a new depth of love

It has been FOREVER since I have written on this blog, and I feel like the customary thing to do would be to write a huge long post about everything that has happened since July 2011, but that doesn't sound as fun as just jumping right in and leaving ya'll wondering...

The New Year is among us, and with that usually comes evaluation of life and habits, and the reformation of our ways.  It's a neat thing that we get a free fresh start every January, even though the date is merely a number with no real meaning.  Thank you to whom ever decided that that was tradition.  

2013 brought us exactly that. Change.  Our lives were changed by a deep and painful trial.  This picture was taken on January 16th, 2013, my 3rd wedding anniversary, and it symbolizes a new depth of love.  I love Adam more than my own mind can even comprehend, and this day exponentially multiplied that love.  It is like when a national tragedy brings more unity than ever.  Hard things make the good things better.  Looking back a few weeks, it actually feels like a dream.  But it's not, it's real life.  It is the most real that life ever feels, I think.  Because that is why we are here right.  To be tested, and tried.  To learn, and relearn, and grow, and fall.  I have learned so much, and for that I am truly grateful.  I have learned how fragile life is, and how we make choices and guide our lives in the direction that we want, but we do not have the final say.  Life is just going to go how it is going to go, and really we just get to choose how we feel about it.  A few weeks ago I felt such sorrow, and today feel the purest joy.  

A miscarriage brought us from the greatest joy we had felt in our lives, we were going to bring a new life to this world, to a terrible heartache with no heartbeat.  It made us stop our busy lives, and fall to our knees.  It made us cry heavy tears together.  I will never. ever. forget that.  It made our little Jet lay belly up in Adam's arms for a half an hour just loving and loving us.  It made our amazing family and friends feel closer than ever.  It made total strangers feel so genuine and kind like they weren't strangers at al.  It broke our hearts.  

Luckily, our human hearts can heal if we let them.  Usually stronger than they started.  Mine did.  My heart is stronger than it was a month ago.  And my love for Adam and for Jet and for Life is stronger than it was a month ago.  And I have a beautiful hope for the future.  So thank You. Thank You for this trial. Thank You for this new depth of love.